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by danrifics



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Arguments, M/M, fluff at the end, homophobia mentions, mentions of abuse, there is no abuse in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danrifics/pseuds/danrifics
Summary: They’re laying in the same bed but instead of the usual ‘laying so close that they’re on top of each other’ way they normally sleep they’re uncomfortably far apart.The gap between them is almost big enough for a 3rd person. Dan hates it. He wants nothing more than to be in Phil’s arms but he’s too stubborn to apologise for what happened earlier in the day.A small disagreement had turned into one of the worst arguments of the decade long relationship, not since 2012 had he ever spoken to Phil the way he had done today.





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**Author's Note:**

> The Search by NF was a big inspiration for this fic. it's definitely worth a listen. :)
> 
> This is the angstiest thing i've ever written. i'm not a very conflictful person so hopefully the arguments work cos i have no idea how to actually argue with someone irl
> 
> Ideas and stuff contributed by: Blxckmochi

_ 11:45pm _

They’re laying in the same bed but instead of the usual ‘laying so close that they’re on top of each other’ way they normally sleep in they’re uncomfortably far apart. Dan is laying practically on the edge of the bed, his back to Phil. Phil is doing the same. The gap between them is almost big enough for a 3rd person. Dan hates it. He wants nothing more than to be in Phil’s arms but he’s too stubborn to apologise for what happened earlier in the day. A small disagreement had turned into one of the worst arguments of the decade long relationship, not since 2012 had he ever spoken to Phil the way he had done today. His mind wandered back to the moment the argument started.

_ ** _

_ Earlier _

Phil had answered the phone, Dan knew it was about the house, their dream house. He didn’t know what the estate agent was telling Phil, but he desperately wanted to.

“Okay.” Said Phil with a deep sigh “Thank you anyway.”

It wasn’t good news, Dan could tell. “What did they say?”

“We didn’t get it”, Phil says not making eye contact with Dan, “The current owners rejected our offer.”

“Why?” Dan asks, he already knows the answer

“They found out who we are.”

“You mean they didn’t want to sell their house to a gay couple” 

“No, that’s not wh-”

“Phil.”

“Dan it’s nothing to do with us being gay, it’s us in general. Not everything comes down to sexuality”

“Why are you trying to make excuses?”, Dan raises his voice slightly, “of course it comes down to our bloody sexuality! I told you I was nervous about telling them we were a couple, I told you I didn’t want to draw attention to that but you told me it would be fine and I trusted you like always and went along with it. Look where that got us”

Dan knows he’s about to start an argument and he doesn’t really care, he’s hurt and he’s lashing out.

“You know maybe I thought that when we came out, it would mean we didn’t have to hide anymore.” Phil sighs “it’s been a decade of hiding. I’m tired, Dan.”

“You’re tired?” Dan shouts “You’ve been out since you were 18, it’s just the internet you hid it from, you don’t know the half of being tired. I hid it from everyone, you were the  _ only  _ person who knew for years. You’ve never had to deal with your family asking when you were gonna find a nice girl to marry, you didn’t have thousands of people asking you if you were gay”

“Don’t guilt me” Phil’s anger spiked “We’ve all been through shit, Dan! Just cos I’m actually comfortable with my sexuality doesn’t mean I haven’t been affected by stuff.”

Dan doesn't register what he says to Phil next but he’s shouting louder than before. He knows it‘s wrong but he wants Phil to feel bad for him, wants him to wish they’d never even looked at houses in the first place.

“Oh, right cos you got outed when you were 18 and no one cared” Dan says, he watches Phil’s jaw clench. “Remember when you almost outed me with that video? That almost ruined my whole life.” 

Phil goes silent, Dan knows he’s got him. He pushes it more.

“I could deal with the questions and shipping before that, but you made it 1000 times worse.” Dan isn’t shouting but his words are full of venom “You don’t think about the consequences. You don’t think about what will affect other people cos as long as you’re okay it doesn’t matter. You’re selfish, Phil”

Phil laughs “I’m selfish? Have you heard yourself talk?”

“Are you seri-” He’s cut off.

Phil is suddenly full of adrenaline, words are spilling from his lips, words he’d never dream of saying to Dan. Words that he doesn’t really mean…

“No wonder your dad hates you” Phil lashes out 

Dan forms his hands into fists, the rage builds up. He pushes a pile of papers off of the coffee table, a framed photo goes with it. “Don’t bring him into this”

“Why?” Phil raises his voice “cos you know i’m right?”

“Shut the fuck up” Dan spits.

“He hates you and you know it’s not cos you're gay, it’s cos you’re a horrible person. I bet he wishes he’d never had you” Phil knows he’s taking it too far but he doesn’t stop. “Maybe that’s your real problem, maybe you are a burden on everyone around you”

“Shut. Up.” Dan grabs a candle off on the coffee table and smashes it down, he wants a reaction from Phil but he stands his ground. Dan steps closer. 

“You know I’m right” Phil raises his arm up, it was an angry gesture in the passion of the moment there was no bad intentions at all but Dan flinched as if he was about to get hit. 

They both freeze for a second. Dan looks like he’s about to cry, and maybe he is, the sudden memories of past trauma suddenly clouds his brain. Kids shouting slurs at him, boys in his class throwing him to the ground, arms being raised and fists connecting with his face. His brain is telling him that Phil was going to hit him, deep down he knows that’s not true, he knows Phil would never hit him, he’d never hit _anyone_ but his PTSD has taken over, he struggles with every ounce of his being to not lash out and hit Phil himself, but he’s never hit anyone either, he knows that too.

“I need some air” Dan says in an almost whisper.

“I wasn’t going to hit you, Dan.” Phil says softly, the angry tone has faded. “I’d never.”

He grabs Dan’s arm gently trying to pull him closer, he needs to make this right, but Dan can’t deal with this right now, he flinches again, reminders flooding back to his mind for the second time in minutes. He turns on his heel, heads to the front door and slips on his shoes. He doesn’t grab a coat even though he probably should and he pulls open the door. He jumps when he’s met with a face. He knows the woman stood in front of the door is one of their neighbours but that’s it. They’ve always kept to themselves in this building, only saying hi to the people when they’ve past them.

“Oh” The woman is surprised too, she hadn’t even knocked yet when the door had swung open “Sorry, my husband and I… we heard shouting and we were concerned. I just wanted to check everything was okay?”

Dan knew that the woman meant well, but in his haze it felt like an attack. He looks at the woman and then he turns back to look at Phil.

“We’re fine, my boyfriend’s just a fucking cunt” Dan practically spits. He shoves past the woman and heads down the hall.

Phil stands in the apartment, the woman stares at him from the doorway, neither of them know what to say for a moment. The woman walks in without asking. She stands firmly in front of Phil. She looks around the apartment, there’s paper on the floor from where Dan had thrown it, a smashed up candle on the table and a photo frame face down next to it.

“I don’t know either of you that well, you love to keep to yourselves and there always seems to be screaming of some kind coming from this apartment.” Phil knows she’s referring to when they film videos, but she doesn’t know that. “I have no business in your personal lives but I couldn’t live with myself if I knew something bad was happening next door. If I find out that either of you have hurt the other in anyway I won't hesitate to get the police involved.”

She doesn’t say anymore, she just storms out of the apartment and slams the door behind her. Phil stands there, defeated. The thought of someone thinking he’d ever hurt Dan is heartbreaking. 

He heads over to the paper and begins picking it all up, some of it is junk mail and old bills but mixed in is video ideas and scripts and doodles. He puts it all into one pile, he’ll sort it out properly later. He grabs a waist bin from the corner of the room and scoops up the candle. It’s his, one of the ones from his merch store, he places it in the bin, lucky for him he can get more.

He looks at the photo frame for a moment before finally picking it up. He turns it over, the glass is smashed but still in place, the photo still sits inside. He sees himself sat in an armchair. Dan is sat across his lap, his back against one arm of the chair and his legs over the other, they look happy. They were happy. They’re still happy. This is just a bump in the road caused by plans falling through. They’re not mad at each other, just the fact that their dream home doesn’t belong to them. Phil sighs, he puts the frame back on the table where it had always been, he didn’t care that the glass was broken, he only cared about Dan.

**

Dan bites his lip, it’s a bad habit and he knows it, he can taste blood in his mouth where he's bit too hard. He regrets not putting on a coat and he really does regret the way he pushed past their neighbour. He walks around for a bit, there’s a park near the apartment and that’s where he heads. He doesn’t remember when he starts crying but he is. His tears are warm against his cold skin. He’s not sure if they’re sad tears or angry ones. He concludes both. 

He hates the way he’s feeling, the anxiety is building up inside, the feeling of impending doom looms over him. He’s messed everything up. No, he’s fucked everything up. They didn’t need to argue it was stupid. He stops. No. It wasn’t stupid, he’s allowed to be upset. 

He’s allowed to be angry. He’s tired of Phil’s attitude to life, the positive attitude becomes too much when contrasted with his own sometimes nihilistic thoughts of the world. He wonders how they fit together so well, how it’s been a decade since they first kissed, since they first called each other boyfriends. That word is silly to them now, they’re more than that. Dan knows that’s why they work, they’re literally each half of a whole, soulmates. The insecure part of his brain kicks in like it has many times before

“Soulmates don’t exist” He mumbles to himself, “You fucked everything up”

**

He’s had enough of walking so he sits down on a park bench. He pushes the tears off of his face with the side of his hand. Then he reaches into his pocket for his phone but quickly realises it’s sat on the kitchen counter at home.

“Are you okay?” The sudden voice makes him jump, he looks up to see a girl standing next to him, she sits down.

“Yeah” Dan mumbles

“You don’t sound too sure. My name’s Kate and you are?” Her voice is warm and welcoming

“Dan”

“So, tell me Dan, What’s a cute boy like you doing crying in a park?” She sounds slightly flirty but Dan thinks he might be reading the situation wrong.

“I got into an argument with my boyfriend. Pretty sure he hates me.” 

“Boyfriend?” She gets quiet “Did he hurt you?” she points to his lip. Dan’s heart sinks. 

“No” He says, it sounds aggressive and maybe it was meant to be. He doesn’t want anyone to think Phil would ever hurt him. “He would never”

Kate nods. “If you don’t mind me asking, what was the argument about?”

“We found our dream home, put an offer in and they rejected it. And i-” He pauses. “They rejected it because we’re gay and my boyfriend acted like it was no big deal.”

“Well, that’s a huge deal!” Kate said, her tone becoming annoyed “That’s not okay.”

Dan looks at Kate, he thought he’d calmed down a bit but she was right, it wasn’t okay. It was really shitty actually. They knew when they looked at the house that they would be the odd ones out, everyone on the street was a heterosexual cis family and then there was Dan and Phil, two men in a relationship, of course they were going to be the victims of discrimination. Dan balls his hands into fists, so tight he almost punctures his skin with his nails, his breathing picks up and he suddenly aware he’s having a panic attack. He relaxes when Kate puts her hand on his.

“Take a deep breath.” She soothes

He’s crying again, but this time it’s not anger towards Phil. He’s not mad at Phil, he’s mad at the world and the way it’s treated him and maybe he overreacted when he accused the real estate agent of homophobia. Phil had tried to tell him something else but Dan hadn’t listened, he should have. He should’ve listened because now he’s fucked everything up. His thoughts are interrupted by Kate’s hand on his thigh, he wonders what she’s doing and… oh… oh she’s trying to hit on him. He was wrong about reading the situation. He jumps up as fast as he can.

“I’m gay.” He says, maybe a little too loud. People are staring. “I’m really really gay.”

He doesn’t wait for Kate to speak, he just turns and leaves. He wants to run home and tell Phil that he’s sorry and he loves him but he still needs to clear his head, so he just keeps walking until his feet hurt.

**

It’s 11pm when Dan finally makes his way home. The apartment is quiet and the lights are off. Dan fumbles around in the dark as he heads to the living room. He wants Phil to be sat there waiting for him… he’s not. So he heads up to the bedroom.

**

_ 11:45pm _

Dan hates this, he hates how far apart they are, how Phil didn’t wait up for him or even acknowledge he’d come home. He hates how he feels about everything. He can’t lay here anymore. He gets out of bed and heads downstairs to the living room. He sees the smashed photo frame on the coffee table, he sits down on the sofa. 

_ You really fucked this up _

He breaks down. He’d cried so many times today but nothing like this. It almost hurts him.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice is soft.

Dan tries to calm down, wipe his tears away. He doesn’t want Phil to see him like this but it’s too late, Phil sits next to him. Dan expects him to be mad but all he does is pull Dan into a hug. He kisses him gently on the head.

“I’m sorry, I'm so sorry” Dan cries. he hides his face against Phil’s chest, Phil holds him tightly. “Sorry, sorry, sorry” he mumbles.

“It’s okay, everything is okay. You have nothing to be sorry about. Absolutely nothing” Phil rests his chin on the top of Dan’s head and closes his eyes.

Dan slowly pulls away from Phil. He stands up. Phil hates the look that’s on Dan’s face. He’s seen it before during depressive episodes.

“Maybe I should take what’s mine and leave” Dan says firmly “or maybe you should.”

Phil hates his tone, hates the words that just came out of his mouth. He says nothing, he stands up. He stands in front of Dan, they’re practically nose to nose. He still doesn’t say a word. He picks Dan up into a bridal style carry. Dan gasps at the sudden movement. Phil’s not sure exactly how he managed to pick Dan up without falling but he’s full of adrenaline.

“What are you doing?” Dan asks

“Taking what’s mine” 

“Phil put me-” Phil cuts Dan off before he can finish

“I don’t care about the stupid house anymore” Phil begins “I care about you”

Dan’s crying again but it’s different this time “I stopped caring about the house hours ago. I don’t care that we lost it, because I don’t want to lose you ” 

Dan’s places his hands over Phil’s shoulders and leans forward slightly, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“We need to talk about what happened today” Phil says “but it can wait until tomorrow.”

Dan nods and they kiss again. Phil smiles and for the first time today Dan smiles too. They know it’s going to be hard to talk about but communication has been a key to their relationship for a decade and they both know that’s why they’re still together. 

**

They’re laying so close that they’re practically on top of each other, just how it should be. Dan is resting his head against Phil’s chest, he’s asleep. Phil runs his fingers the the thick curls on Dan’s head.

“I love you.” He mumbles as he falls asleep too.

**

In the morning they sit on the sofa and they talk for hours about everything they said, they cry in each others arms for a while, they apologise over and over again. Phil tells Dan how the estate agent had told him the offer for the house was rejected because they were youtubers and the owners of the house were worried about the financial stability of the job. They were worried they would not actually be able to afford the house and pull out of the offer last minute, Dan apologises again then Dan tells Phil about Kate and Phil tells Dan about their neighbour.

They head across the hall later in the afternoon, they talk to their neighbour and her husband and they explain everything, they tell them that they’re youtubers and they scream a lot during gaming videos, they keep to themselves because they don’t want anyone to recognise them and leak their address. They mention the argument was about getting rejected for a house that they loved. Dan apologises for pushing the neighbour out the way yesterday and they both thank the neighbour for her concern.

Later that day they get a phone call from the estate agent, she says she’s found a house that is a perfect fit for them. She says it has plenty of space for kids to play and dogs to run around. She says it’s better than the one they’d looked at. 

They go look around. It’s perfect. They buy it that day.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and Kudos.
> 
> Always remember if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.
> 
> Follow us:
> 
> http://www.ThrivingHowell.tumblr.com
> 
> http://www.Blxckmochi.tumblr.com


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